Monday, August 27, 2007

Gobstoppers and Snoring- Oh me, Oh my!

I love my husband. A lot. He is a great daddy and provider, faithful, kind and fun. We actually LIKE to spend time together, and have fun when we do. He has a great sense of humor (one assumes this because he's married to me!), and is sweet too.

BUT,(you knew it was coming right?), BUT:

He snores, really loud. Most nights, he is only able to rattle the window blinds, but sometimes he can actually make the roof of the house pulsate up and down.

I'm not exaggerating-- ask anyone who has stayed overnight in our home and they will testify!

Being a light sleeper, I am forced to wear earplugs at night so I can sleep. Amazingly, I can still hear the kids when they cry (curse you, mommy hearing)!

I have been through numerous styles and types of plugs over the years, and have found the best kind are the ones they hand out at the rifle range- yellow, thick, about the size of a grape, made out of foam. Because this is a way of life for me, they can be found in many places in my bedroom-- drawers, dressers, cups by the bed, and the top drawer of my bedside table. Sometimes, because they are kind of hard, I take them out in the night while I'm sleeping, and will find them in the morning in my bed, nightgown, or floor. When this happens, I will inevitably be awakened in the night by the jackhammer sound of snoring. Then I must fumble around in the dark and try to find a replacement for that ear so peaceful sleep can be resumed.

Enter, the gobstopper. One of the other things my hubby and I have in common is a love of childhood candy-- like bottlecaps, smarties, and the ever popular gobstopper. Now, not to make you think we're slobs or anything, but occasionally the candy makes it to the bedroom as part of our TV watching. And occasionally, the kids find it and spill it-- like in my bedside table drawer.

You can see where this is going, right?

On Friday night, we actually got to go out, alone. As in, NO KIDS! We had dinner, went to a movie and got home late. In fact, I kept remarking to hubby on the drive how how many cops were out-- but it was Friday night at midnight! I had to drive the babysitter home, and got back at close to 1:30 am. Needless to say, hubby was sawing some serious logs by the time I got in bed. I fell right asleep, but must've taken out the plug in my right ear immediately, because I woke up not 20 minutes later. Now mind you, I had a 19 hour day, drove to my moms and back (3hours total round trip), and then 1 hour total round trip for the babysitter, so I was TIRED. When I woke up, I was in that nether land of exhaustion where the line between awake and asleep is very fine.

So, as I fumbled in the drawer for an earplug, I was thinking any semi-spherical shaped item would be GREAT! As I was attempting to cram this thing into my ear, I was fuzzily thinking something like, "Hum, this really isn't going in....Oh my, the snoring is SO loud-- get in there plug, NOW!! Ouch, it's in but not really blocking out the sound?!? What the???? It's hard!"

I had to turn on the light, and then the truth was revealed. It was an orange gobstopper, not a yellow earplug. The hubby was yanking the pillows over his head, groaning "the light, turn off the light"; and I was trying not to scream, laugh and cry all at the same time.
I did finally find a real earplug, and got to sleep some time later.

So, the moral of the story is: never allow gobstoppers in your bedroom, 'cuz you never know where they'll turn up!

Also, my ear smells nice and orangey, now.


Mary said...

and that gobstopper now tastes nice and orangey with a WAXY aftertaste...ROFL!!!!!

Janice said...

What ever did you do without a blog? And to think all of these thoughts, events, and moments of motherly insanity never previously had a proper venue...! Keep typing girl, it is a nice iced coffee break for me! :)

Summer in FL said...

How hilarious!

Michelle said...

Having a healthy snore-er as well, I have several ear plugs around too . . .but gobstoppers . . no, thank goodness!
Mental note taken!~

Colette said...

This post was TOO funny! I have a snorer too and boy could I relate! He is a problem solver and one of his experiments was to put the ear plugs in his nose when he went to bed. I didnt know that he did this until the next morning he said "Oh man, the ear plugs I put in my nose are gone" With out missing a beat I said "You either inhaled them or they are down the street in the neighbors house". None of his experiments worked (hmmm!) and last week he had a sleep study done. We gotta figure something out!!! BOO SNORING!!!
Thanks for the post...made me laugh!